Thoughts of the night

At night when everything is still and the world falls asleep, I stay awake and just think. Any and all emotions that I may have had during the day come to life and I can process them, and give them the amount of time needed to process them. The hard part comes when there is no one around to share them with. It makes a person feel very lonely. I can write or say anything that comes to my mind, but there is no one on the other side to answer back. At times it seems like even if there is someone there, that my thoughts and feelings are too sacred to me to let anyone in and ruin them. I look back on life now and again and look at where I am today. Many changes have happened, and I'm not sad about that, in fact it has been a very freeing feeling. But am I still living by others standards, or living by mine? Thats the question I ask myself frequently. It seems like I answer the question, and when I feel I am living by someone elses then I'm not happy and I get frustrated with that person. If I'm not living up to my own, everyone around me bothers me because I know what it feels like to be free and to live in doubt is to live in chains. Who has the key to free me and the chains that have held me captive. I have my answer. Now I just need to let that person in. I thought once I came to certain conclusions that everything else in life falls into place, but it seems that when I find the answer, another puzzle is put in front of me, a harder one than the one before it, and I take the answer from the previous puzzle and try to solve it, but the pieces don't always fit and so it seems like everything gets pushed away and pieces come apart and I have to start over. One day I'll be able to rest, to listen to the silence of the night and be at peace with the quiet earth. Today is not that day. But tomorrow is another morning.